New Age Trickery

*WARNING- This post is longish, so read when you have enough time on you!*

So..I'm back again, this time from Vaishno Devi. And though it was spiritually a very satisfying trip, the arduous up down journey of 12 km each way (yes, I travelled on foot the whole time) has made me aware of at least 50 new muscles in my legs that I never before new existed! Of course, my favorite activity these days is sitting in one place so I tend to forget the pain but come on, everyone needs to get up and then sit down again once in a while, right?

Ever since I came back, I'd been thinking of what to write in my next post. Yesterday, I got down to it and actually wrote a piece about the whole journey but it turned out to be so boring that I went to sleep while rereading it. So of course, couldn't let you guys read it. I wouldn't want the energetic youth of our country to waste their time sleeping at their desktops. But, then something so outrageously funny happened today that all my worries about the material for my next post vanished. So here goes...

I was out with friends (N and G) today at PVR Saket, to have lunch. Then, after having lunch I guess we thought we hadn't socialised enough so decided to catch whatever movie was on that time. Not a bad decision, because we watched an excellent movie (The Guardian)... even though the ending was extremely predictable (yes it was, N), the overall feel of the movie is good. In case you're wondering what's outrageously funny about that, I must mention I have a habit of digressing. Back to the incident... Most Delhiites reading this would aware that the Saket complex is notorious for beggars. I mean, I wish I had a buck for every time those little suckers have gone around clutching my jeans with their dirty hands. But anyways, today we witnessed a sudden transformation in the technique and, wonder of wonders, language used by them! Yes, don't bother your brains too much... I'm talking about a beggar asking for money in English.

There we were, the three of us deciding what to watch when out of nowhere, this middle aged lady (for those who know, she looked like Chanda with her hair tied back) comes up to us. She was obviously a beggar and habitually we just looked away waiting for her to start the regular bhookhi ko khaane ke liye kuch de de drama. OK, her opening sentence wasn't in English but it was definitely out of the ordinary, she says, "kya aap apni behen ke khane ke liye kuch de sakte hain?". We ignored her and didn't even look at her but enter her second line, "Please spare something, I haven't had anything since morning and am extremely hungry" and there we were staring at her like statues!! And all this was in a perfect accent, probably better than what many of you might hear in college. I almost said "Are you kidding me?" But things don't stop here... "You know I've got a fractured leg but still main ragad rahi aur logon se paisa maang rahi hoon." And after this much, my friend N is suitably impressed to hand her 10 bucks. And I have to mention that at that moment, N had only 20 bucks on him. Have you ever heard of anyone handing out half their wealth to a beggar! Beggar aunty is also suitably impressed with N and then she turns to me, "Come on beta, you also pool in something... mujhe roti khaani hai". I tell her that 10 bucks is more than enough to satisfy her appetite, but the hag had the nerve to tell me that it wasn't and remind me that her leg was broken. But I didn't give in and ignored beggar aunty long enough for her to go and amaze the effing blazes out of another couple with her perfect English. So we just stood there another couple of minutes and I lectured N on how this stupid attitude of his and not being able to say no would land him in big shit later in life. I rarely lecture, but this was a huge opportunity and I wasn't gonna miss it. That was the end of the matter.

But wait, enter scene 2. There we were again, this time having settled upon the movie when we see you-know-who ACTUALLY standing in line for a ticket, buying a ticket and then entering the hall with that ticket. And the three of us watched this entire sequence of events fixed to the ground and eyes wide open as if the pope himself had just walked by with Mallika Sherawat and Rakhi Sawant in his arms (and to make things even more unbelievable, make that MS and RS wearing full length saris). When we finally did manage to come out of that dazed state, you wont believe how we laughed at N. The fool had actually given ten bucks to that con woman so that she could buy a ticket and treat herself to a movie at pvr... The irony of it all! But in all fairness to N, the woman was attired like a beggar and it beats me how the security let her in.

Unfortunately, we didn't see her inside because N had full plans of making sure he got his money back. Though God knows how he would have done that... she'd probably have a dozen other excuses up her sleeve and all in English so N would have given in again in my opinion.

So any future Saket moviegoers.. you know who to look out for!

Footnotes:

1. I am not kidding.
2. We were not high on alcohol when these events occurred.